Even Sexy Vampires Must Die

from Ranger of the Old Woods by Zweihänder



Dedicated to old SNES RPGs


Vegetation hugs the walls of this path... it opens up on to a large cavern housing an underground grove of what looks like ancient yew trees. I notice how bright it is here... We haven't needed the lantern for a while.

Glowing rocks are speckled about the walls and ceiling of the cave. They seem to be providing enough light. Everything is bathed in a pale twilight.

Down a slope, an old castle sits nestled among the trees... maybe it's not old... It's weird, it looks both new and old at the same time

Once inside, we realize it is, indeed ancient, but in impeccable shape. Someone or something has really taken care of it. Speaking of, "someone," a voice greets us from the darkness atop the stairs... then a figure emerges. It is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen... I'm mesmerized. is this a man or a woman... or what is this?

The bard lowers his hood... and begins muttering to himself in a tongue I've never heard. He isn't a bard at all, he's a wizard. His hands begin to glow.

The figure descends. I squint. This can't be. There hasn't been one for centuries. It passes through the light and I am sure. It is a vampire. It must die.


from Ranger of the Old Woods, released October 31, 2022


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